This morning as I put in a load of laundry, memories emerged from the clothes I’d worn at a conference. All the memories from there were good except for one. The strange attack from this person I did not know haunted me. I had let it go because I didn’t want to carry it, only after I investigated my own behavior, to make sure I had done nothing to provoke it.
And here it was again, like a wisp of smoke hovering over the laundry basket.
“Okay”, I asked my spirit, “What do we do with it?”
“Consider this one your beloved one”, said my spirit.
I imagined a self that could harbor no feelings of retaliation, the self that loves my grandchildren, my partner, the birds, and the winds without question. This is how I was able to love, and see her best self emerge. I saw her as if she were me, making one of those mistakes in human behavior that I have made in the past, those that sometimes still bother me after all these years. I saw the pain she was carrying and the dreams that appeared to fail. I wanted the best for her.
I put in the laundry detergent, started the washer with clean water. The water took it. It let it go.
…Memories are like humans. If you pay too much attention to them they’ll act up to get more attention. Depends on the kind of memory. I often return to the Pacific waters for a deep, beautiful blue peace. Sea turtles surface and go under. The rhythm of the paddle hitting the water and pulling matches my heartbeat, which matches the heart of the ocean, the sky, the spirit of the day.
The Dynamics of Memory: Letting Go
